What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 25.06.2025 01:25
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
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Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It was going to be , some day.
So whats the point in blame.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
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Who then, do I blame.?
I will be 64.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My life is so biszare .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I waited trembling.
I was very sick at this time too.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
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Where the ultimate outsiders.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He resisted the act ,that day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We all went to grammer schools
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But it wasn’t much.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I said to her
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I don,t even have a pension.
She was in good health!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im still living with it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She loved him until the end.
I was 9 years of age.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What did i know ?
Why did i forgive my father ?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ive learnt so much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
All the time i was locked up.
She wouldn,t have been !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My family never makes their pension either.
This is soul school!.
He knew the spot.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Was to survive, this bastard.
She married twice! .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I have no regrets .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I think the readers, may guess!
As i do to all so called friends.?
We were not on the streets..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Put me off passion for life!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And i lived it daily.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I write beautiful poetry .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
When she asked me how she looked .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I never cut or harmed myself..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was seconnd youngest,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was scared of men, in general
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She found it foreign!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Would this be the day?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One cannot live in the past .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So, i spoilt her more .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Comes on , in middle age.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But, we were locked up after school.